A sort of life

Blue alert

RICHMOND, Va. — It’s another night I guess, all tangled up in nakedness. […] There’s perfume burning in the air. Bits of beauty everywhere. Shrapnel flying — soldier hit the dirt.

Blue alert.

If feel it coming on down. I feel a type of creative virility creeping back that long been gone. Last night I even broke out the typewriter. It’s been since May at least since that thing has been used. There are probably a hundred thousand reasons for the back and forth of it all, and I don’t like assigning blame much. The thing is, the better things are, the worse things get. I see that coming like the presidential election. It’s coming and there’s no way to stop it. Here’s the logic:

  • In the months I urge to dip the paintbrush, I urge to make a move, concrete things happen. Maybe magic isn’t made, but something particular happens.
  • My body moves with it. Like an erotic arching of ones back, I respond to what it is driving me. Sleep is that much better for it.
  • Then comes the full stop. The creativeness dies like a season. It’s seasonal. I fight it and fighting it brings misery.

The only escape from this misery is to escape creativity. This generally calls for an unhealthy helping of narcotics. Sure, in some moments I am happy to oblige that craving. But then comes the rain.

Much easier, much healthier to surf the swing. We’re now facing an economic down turn? Yes? Well this guy is boom time. I am not so unique as to buck every trend there is out there and measured by the talking heads. I’m not that guy. But my timing wonderful.

So what is all this? Layman’s: I’m feeling it. This month I’m feeling magic. And yet things do not always rock smooth. I’ve been staring at a half finished painting. The most proactive thing I can do with it is walk away. I’ve been staring at the blueprints to another website way behind schedule. In pen and ink I have things looking sweet. In pixels, well, not much is falling. And the more I look at the screen the more I try to distract myself with my half finished painting. The more I do that the more I want to walk. The more I want to walk, the closer I am to the other side of all this special goodness.

And this all reminds me. Ever since seeing Alan Arkin in Catch-22, I’ve been meaning to pick up Joseph Heller’s novel to complete the picture. I have a feeling we relate. The book and I tell stories.

“Blue alert” is from Volume One: Frank’s Wild Years (1983–2009). Written between 2003 and 2009, Volume One was this author’s attempt to find meaning from life as a young twenty-something. While this endeavor would ultimately fail, what remains is a comical tale of loneliness and debauchery.

Follow the river and you will find the sea

Follow the river and you will find the sea

Oscar Facciolo De Soto enjoys a river cruise with his family in Bundesrepublik Deutschland circa 1992.