A sort of life

Foreign Service test changes

WASHINGTON — There is agony in my defeat. It’s a stomach thing. It builds to my throat. Spills into my heart. It’s Effervesce — a swooning turned trepidation, and these pressures erupt.

The blood rushes from my fingers. My feet are cold.

…a swooning turned trepidation, and these pressures erupt.

I really don’t know what to say. I’ve got much on my mind, but the words just don’t fall. They fail me. I’ve got frustrations. A broken heart. I don’t know why.

But it’s there and it’s bleeding and it’s tearing me up. I’m losing sleep. Can’t concentrate. Can’t focus.

I’ve tried to turn my back. To walk away. You know? Like what I normally do in this situation. It hasn’t worked.

And still it bleeds. I still bleed.

“Foreign Service test changes” is from Volume One: Frank’s Wild Years (1983–2009). Written between 2003 and 2009, Volume One was this author’s attempt to find meaning from life as a young twenty-something. While this endeavor would ultimately fail, what remains is a comical tale of loneliness and debauchery.

Follow the river and you will find the sea

Follow the river and you will find the sea

Oscar Facciolo De Soto enjoys a river cruise with his family in Bundesrepublik Deutschland circa 1992.